I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
