PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
