The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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