ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He better not be in your backpack
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
