rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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