the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
