She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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