I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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