9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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