Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
