Christians are straight up FREAKS
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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