I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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