I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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