they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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