Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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