your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
