It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
