Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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