She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
