if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
