i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Come see our sink grown plant.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize