Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
