there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
