The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sorry my hands just texted you
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
