Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
