Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize