Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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