Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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