also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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