My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
