I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
