is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't deserve a penis
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
