shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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