Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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