Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
