i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my sisters under your porch take her home
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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