it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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