i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
