It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
