What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
