Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
