They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
