you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
