The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
