Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
