You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
