I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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