Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
