OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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