Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
