Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
