Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
