she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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