I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
