Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
