I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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