but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
