Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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