i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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