i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I checked into jail on foursquare
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
