So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
