A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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