SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
