Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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