My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
