omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize