I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize