so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
