would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
