I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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