It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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